When you go - "What is this, what am I reading?"

I will try very hard now to sell this book in many different ways. Let’s see how that plays out.

What is this book?

So on one side this book is about me trying to record and share my thoughts which I think serves some purpose.

What is your point?

Well my point is just to give you a reason to think and question everything beyond how comfortable you are. I find myself mostly in a place where I am mentally so exhausted even when I am physically super ready to act. I just want to stop thinking at times and other times I feel like I am going in circles and I am not going to be able to understand more. It’s never been a comfortable place to be, but of all that I have learned, the best idea or lesson I can share is (quotations are the drum roll in writing, so let me do that)

“How we should strive to be consciously aware of how fragile and vulnerable we all are as living things? How 100 times more sensitive our minds are and how strange it is that we act as such invincible creatures, going bat shit crazy and telling whatever we could to justify it at every moment.”

Tada ! How was the quote? Try saying it out at dinner or a party with a drink in your hands or a blunt or whatever in your hands. That’s right, whatever you have in your hand, saying this to yourself or to as many people or even animals, it will make such an impact.

Don’t tell me that you do not want to make an impact. You want to. Absolutely. On one side we are doing anything different from that monkey I seem to be so in awe of. On the other side, we are all trying so bloody hard to not do what the monkey did. I mean that impulse of finding a rock to stick in or stick into has not really gone away, we just have this amazing attraction to aesthetics that is a representation of rawness as opposed to rawness. You see, there is a lot of us that is going to tolerate some depiction of man or a woman doing what the monkey did, if it was like fiction, acting, telling a story or if that’s one insane person. We have words to describe such a person too. Only thing is we are going to be so repulsed and disturbed or traumatized if we were to see someone doing it around us. The absolute pandemonium that would arise if it was to happen, my god, can you imagine. Yet we pay the Internet charges, or take a pricey camera and go to a zoo or the wild to shoot something like this and then sell it and write a book where I keep talking about it so annoyingly often.

If ‘necessity’ is the mother of ‘invention’, is ‘boredom’ its grandmother? Who is the mother of ‘discovery’? Wait so who is the father, looks like he was fooling around quite a bit - why are we not talking about him.

Oh wait, I am not sure if I used the right pronouns. Or maybe I did. If I did, you should congratulate me in the review you write for the book, yeah?

So about necessity, that’s like - ‘oh it’s dark and I need light to study and read, so why don’t I use electricity to generate heat that would produce light’ - I am pretty sure Thomas Edison and Joseph Swan had a far more carefully chosen vocabulary than what I came up with and I guess the necessity that they came to encounter is as basic as they need to create light without lighting something on fire.

Likewise I imagine someone going ‘I need milk but mom says I am grown up so I do not need it anymore, wait is that a cow and calf? Is the calf drinking milk, oh my eureka, I invented milk, let me go drink it.’ The cow kicked the someone in the face and persistence you know, he finally managed to drink it and then bring the invention to light.

Oops sorry, that cannot be an invention. It’s a discovery dummy. Well, I will still go for imagining the scenario above than imagining something like a person going so fucking bored out of his mind, not knowing what he must do with his life, sees a cow and calf and pushes the calf away and starts drinking its milk and going - ‘mmmm, delicious and healthy! This is such a discovery.’

Either way I like to think this someone got kicked in the face because it is just really funny that way. Add to that, the fact that it is more fun imagining a man doing it, than a woman. It’s funnier that way. I mean when a man gets kicked in the face by a cow, while he tries to drink the milk right from its nipples, it is definitely funny, whichever angle you record it on video and upload on YouTube or Vimeo.

If a woman does it (I want you to call me out if I am wrong about this) there is always going to be more people feeling sorry for her than they felt for the man. Even if the woman got kicked in the face the funniest way and fell the funniest way, statistically more people feel bad about her than him.

I used the word ‘statistically’ like an idiot but I am certain statistically, the observation I just made is completely well founded.

So the second scenario, where boredom is the mother and this guy just went at the cow’s nipples, what’s worse is the rest of the people. I mean some of them went at the goats, goddammit. I mean if that’s not enough, they went at camels, they went at yaks - you gotta give it to those lot, alright, that’s daring. You can’t top that, I mean someone went for elephant milk but that did not really work out well for him, he didn’t make it I mean. I bet someone tried tigers and lions too but yeah, let’s not talk about that okay.

I want to inspire people with this book but not like with respect to getting milk from different species.

“Researchers in China have discovered that females of the Toxeus magnus spider secrete a milk-like fluid to feed their offspring…”

Are you serious right now? Researchers? Discovered? I hope that is the case. I mean what kind of boredom would make you want to find Toxeus Magnus spider which is not a lactating organism and try to milk it. Wait they also found out it has 4 times more protein, yay, hell with whey, bring in some Toxeus Magnus Milk. I mean the branding will be so great.

Imagine a spider holding his sword in the mini Colosseum-Terrarium inside the lab and going

‘My name is Toxeus Arachnida Magnus

Wife to a husband I murdered after sex

Mother to a kid I have to make milk for, despite being an egg laying organism

Now losing it to these people who are putting it in cartons and selling it for money that I never get to enjoy

I will have my revenge… wait, am I surrounded by glass?’

What kind of bored mind writes stuff like this. Come on guys, stop Google-ing it. We are not getting spider milk anytime soon.

Whey is still the way to go.