Relation-ships

Much like I earlier alluded to, we are carried away in the ways we make much of things that in reality comes nowhere near it. We in fact tell ourselves so much in the process and reinforce it so many times to ourselves that we end up believing it ourselves and the very instant we notice a dissonance we are pulled into a well of uncomfortable questions. However, we do not really confront it. We have our ways to look past it or words to call it something we think it is.

I have been thinking about relationships and where I am at now, I must say distance in key in sustaining relationships. You got be far enough and you have to be close enough and at any point if you step out or in, be ready to backtrack because if we get close to any human beyond a certain point all we can see is this absolute insane chaos. They might not even recognize it and what happens is you recognize it within yourself too, if you give it time. What makes this further maddening is the realization that the chaos is in no manner comprehensible, not yours, not theirs. The more you introspect into it, the more you would lose your mind. The more you learn to look from a standpoint outside of yourself and everyone, you will marvel over how fickle we are, how fickle our complexities are.

To figure people out, to want people to understand, those are things and words we tell ourselves so neglectfully. We are taking so much effort in fact to not be understood in every action we take mentally or physically to be understood. The human need to want to possess does not help either. It provokes in us the need to further alienate ourselves.

Distance is key. To engage in love, hate and healing in distance is what works despite our absolute desire to completely steamroll into each other. However, we are not going to be able to manage that. We are not going to be able to manage anything the right way. That’s how we are built. This is where I was referencing how we as people are art. We cannot handle these designs, systems and precision in the long term. We as humans thrive on the potential for entropy. This is why we always rebel, this is why we protest, why we form groups and communities that go against each other or together against something. We fix problems and then we fix the fixes or fight for the problem to come back.

Most importantly the hardest part for me is being able to explain what or who I am, how or why I am. If this book did a bit of that and it helps you introspect then I hope you reminisce how categorically absurd it would be to be able to tell about yourself to a person who wants to know. You can only ever be cosmetic and outdated in any definition you would give yourself.

Why don’t we marvel enough over how much of a contradiction our lives are? Well, we are busy marveling over the Iphone or the rock or that wristwatch. Not that anything is wrong with it.

I think we need materialistic things. I think we need to give in to the fill we look for when we get material things because that is only how we can stop making people try to fill it and fail at it instead. We need to fix ourselves and fill ourselves and contain our chaos within the distance we allocate to us before we move into another person. There is no way it will work, if the other person can do that too. Now the premise of what I am suggesting is including the fact that compatibility and shared passions and whatever else brings people together.

Having said all that, I am wondering why I said all that. Maybe before I instinctively react the next time, I could remember some of these and that should help me be at a much more peaceful state than otherwise.

We are in relationship with nature. Much like the boring type of married life that fiction feels disinterested in copying onto film or print. I get that we are more inclined to think and refer to as ‘Mother Nature’ as opposed to a relationship but nonetheless it is no different. We are in such connection with nature but we are mostly so unaware of it. The least bit of change to nature could have the most impact to our lives and existence, yet we would still not be aware. Like I have been repeating, we need things to go against, we need to go against things but mostly we need things, especially living, feeling things that we are quick to discard as annoying.

Relationship between two humans are always reflections of their relationship with nature and their self. This might be why people say love yourself before you love somebody else. But there is nothing more harder than loving yourself while knowing yourself so much.

Solitude is a gift we must give ourselves once in a while. The lot of you that goes, ‘I was alone and I felt like I was going bonkers’, you must get bonkers. You can’t just get outside and ask your friends or people around you to take care of it for you. You must face the thoughts, well fundamentally, you should be able to think by yourself. You should be able to let yourself go.

Let yourself go - isn’t that really interesting? Can we ever actually do that? Do we? Considering how we need a manual on how to let go, I doubt if we ever can.