my shitty superpowers

kindness, love and to know things no one else can is the shittiest superpower

i can read you, all of you

i can read you thinking,

i can read you wanting,

i can read you craving

i know the taste of tears,

i can play the sounds of any of your pain and all of your pain,

i can hug you in a way no one else can, and i would not even need a body to do it

i can hold you safe in ways you never have known

i can tell you why you say the things you say,

what you thought before you said what you said,

why you said it, why you chose the words you chose

your make believe stories to color yourself bright and white,

your majestic drapes, your victim shades, your torn skin and your grandiose projections

they strip themselves in front of me, i see your souls naked

i wish i didn’t. really, it exhausts me, but i can’t help it

i hugged all of you only when you had a thousand thorns on you and no one did

i bled out but i can’t die because i had not hugged you enough to let death take me

i sat by you, in little, big, everything, nothing but now i see you.

but it’s a lot,

my cheeks have wrinkled down,

they can’t smile anymore, especially for nothing

and no one knows, no one ever knows, no one can know

they laugh at me, they talk behind my back

i can hear you, hear the things you say to yourself

hear how you laugh at me when you are done using me

hear your self deception, your two faced nature,

hear how you talk about me behind my back

i know the exact words, i know the exact face you wore,

how you laugh loud at how i am

just to make a face and sell yourself to win your ephemeral stardom

and the shittiest superpower maybe, knowing all these, i can still hug you,

i can still feed you, i can still love you like you wish your gods did

i will worship you, i will build worlds and scorch realities for you

while you still gnaw into my soul and take all i can give and more

and then you act so righteous, so noble,

you use words and excuses to mask your venom,

but i can take the venom too, i can take your absolute lack of substance,

i can take your voids and fill it with all the heaven you want

celebrate you like a god, give you the feelings you tell me you need

i can kill myself many times and i can’t die, even when there is inside of me decay and death, the likes of which you would not wish on anyone.

but i still give, i still gave for it was my superpower

your kindness was buying someone lunch while there is an audience.

while my heart broke and was wrung and ground into dust i said come and take everything i have, let me take care of you. they all took everything i had and i took care of them while they ate and ate and ate.

all suffering is perfectly deserved. no god is to blame for it. in fact praise the god for being so exact. you don’t know shit about being selflessly kind and good and to