A diary entry too long

That’s what this is. The fact that I mentioned a problem in the last part does not mean I am coming up with a solution in this one, but I just might later on.

It’s just that I advocate that, acceptance of humanity and its innate tendency to be flawed, is a more efficient way to accustom ourselves to better coexistence than having faith in humanity. This is not a quote from tumblr but I am quite convinced you’ll find it there - Expectations are the root of all disappointment. In tumblr it was probably talking about how our little world is shaken up by our significant other replying late to a text message. But I am trying to use it to show you how you could choose not to expect anything from anybody or maybe even expect a person to be capable of evil first and expect good - a deliberately effort requiring - later.

That’s pessimistic according to some of you but have you tried it? It’s not dark or highly destructive - a pessimistic view. It’s more a peaceful one. Hear me out.

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You want to go out, that’s a positive thing. But your car is broken or your bicycle tire is punctured. That happens right. You decide to take a walk but it rains. Rain is good, how about a walk in the rain, right? Almost as you start you feel like you are catching a cold. That’s okay. A good reason for soup and some steam when you get back, correct? You stop halfway, return and do it but you now have a temperature. So you rest. It’s a good reason to rest, right? But your immunity is down, so you are going to be down for a while. That’s okay, let’s do some reading, positive thing, right - until you now have a headache from straining your eyes.

That life of optimism can go on and it could be so contagious that the individual could be celebrated by others to the point he labels his way of thinking, stubborn optimism and start a life coach program centered around the principle of being so exhaustedly positive that life has no choice but to serve you lemonade, tea, coffee or whatever you want because you never worried no matter how many lemons life gave you. You always did something with it that you liked and made you feel good.

Or, you wanted to go out but you felt it will rain and you assumed your luck is bad, so you didn’t really go to the car and well Schrodinger’s cat, it may or may not be broken, but you assume it could be broken, so you just stayed inside and blamed your natural inclinations to take a walk and go out and get some air etc. - purely impulsive and unnecessary. You made a life coach program centered around the principle where you ask ‘What if shit happens. Just stick to exactly what is necessary. Optimism is a cowardly way to not face reality.’

Do you see what I mean. To borrow a bare minimum few words from Chuck Palahniuk,

On a long enough time line (or a short one for that matter), the probability of success for both programs is just the same.

Do you genuinely think that we want to fix our problems as people? We want to just talk about it, write about, fight about it, get attention with it, feel alive because of it, celebrate it and gather a sense of community because of it, define ourselves and label ourselves by it and say that you are not defined by it and you refuse to be defined by it on a TED talk or a TED talk in your dream. Although you are on TED talk because you allowed it such a crucial role in your story.

What are we doing?

That’s a rhetorical question, don’t think about it like that much. Or go ahead, I guess we can’t not not think about things, can we?

We are doing what the monkey did. Me and my monkey reference. A friend once asked me why does it have to be monkey, everyone who talks like you do starts with a monkey, I mean why not lobsters. Someone who inspired me a lot to let my drive to create art to make sense of my existential suffering and dread has tried to use lobster but now you lot are not willing to cut him some slack. But wait, I think he capitalized on it. His brand is making lobster t shirts and merchandise now and I bet it helps. Jordan Peterson, I think more people should listen to him when he chooses to inspire people. He genuinely wants to most of the time. I choose not to understand political stances and the like(or do I actually not despite researching each time), so skip that part and thanks to people who validate their existence by posting clips in their channel about his select words, you can see the inspirational stuff with nice music separately.

I have a channel too and I post stuff there to validate myself, so if I am shitting on people, I am doing that to myself first. Don’t cancel me, oh no, don’t please. Fuck it, cancel me. I already do that everyday.

So custom T shirts, I want to do it too, the whole having my own cool merchandise but I am too broke right now. The sheer determination to go after my Ikigai, when all the different jobs and the work I did good enough to receive awards for ended in me unemployed, has left me so broke, I get whiny when I must and pissed off with the world when I must and monk like when I must and unstoppable when I must.

I will look up Patreon and see about my own merchandise which will be ready by the time my book comes out. Will you buy it. I will do something like, I will write up such crazy catchy shit and make just one unique T shirt for each person or something like that, so like you would be the only person with that specific piece in the world. I don’t know the practical side of it. If you would like to steal that as a business idea, that’s cool but I want to do that. Especially when we are like so adamant about wanting unique things to define our existence and identity, I think my idea sounds good.

I am not going to wake up tomorrow feeling the same way though. I will probably need motivational quotes a few to still be thrilled about it. So the monkey kept away the stone and maybe he remembers it, maybe he does not, but what does it matter right now.

Right now is all that matters about right now.

qui-arm-phi is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.